Thursday Thirteen

I've seen at least one post referring to Ann Coulter and her new book. I read the cover today, which is about all I can stomach. I know that everyone's not going to agree on this, but that's fine. I have a twisted sense of humor, and no apologies about it! So, I present....

Thirteen Uses For Ann Coulter

I've made up a rule here. She would require no extra training to be used in any way.

1. Put her on all fours and stick a 1/2 inch thick slab of oak on her. Voila! Instant coffee table.

2. Prison nurse in a Maximum Security Prison - No, no additional training here. They're sociopathic prisoners. Who cares if she knows how to nurse or not?

3. Paris Hilton's Personal Assistant - It would serve her right to have to take orders from a vapid, self-centered, publicity hound.

4. If you turned her upside down, her hair would make a great toilet brush.

5. One of the extras that gets stepped on in a Godzilla remake.

6. Wal-Mart greeter. Oh wait. She'd scare the customers. Never mind.

7. Firestarter - A big stack of her books would make a roaring fire in my fireplace.

8. Chuck E. Cheese - She could dress in the giant mouse suit and listen to kids scream and holler at the birthday parties on weekends. Added Bonus: We won't have to see her face or listen to her.

9. Receptionist at Planned Parenthood - She just answers the phone, makes appointments, fetches coffee, and files papers, all without the opportunity voice her opinions. That might just kill her, though, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for that.

10. Mannequin at Kmart, modeling Jaclyn Smith clothing line. Or maybe in the swimsuit section modeling a lovely muumuu and curlers in her hair.

11. God's whipping girl. Let tornados, floods, hurricanes, fires, disease, and pestilence reign o'er her domicile and spare the rest of us.

12. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Balloon - Her ego is inflated enough for this to happen. Unfortunately, you might hear more than one kiddo screaming, "Mommy, take me home. That big lady balloon is scary!"

13. Road Kill Collector - Of all of the jobs I've seen on Dirty Jobs With Mike Rowe (The Discovery Channel,) this is one for Ann. She'd be enjoying the great outdoors and doing the drivers a great service.

Add your own in the comments. And keep it clean, please. I may dislike this woman, but I have to draw the line somewhere!





View More Thursday Thirteen Participants



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!