Funniest Blog Post EVAH!

Well, if you are over a certain age, it is. I'd say anyone over 30 would appreciate the 70's fashions featured in the post. The guy's comments will get you chuckling. I promise.

JC Penney Catalog hilarity is right here.

How did I find it? It's making the rounds as a forwarded email, of course.

It's Halloween, so the Witches Are Out

Yes, and some of them are customers.

I'm at the customer service desk, taking my hour at that position. Customer approaches. She's wearing fancy jewelry and carrying a Coach bag.

Customer: I want to order "Some BBC Video Title You Don't Have In The Store" I have this coupon for 30% off.

What I thought: Great. She has the coupon that expires TODAY and she wants to order a BBC title. This woman is obviously going to be a bitch.

What I said: Ok, let me check the availability of the title. [I checked it, it was available.] Yes, that title is available, and I'd be happy to order it, but the coupon expires today and you won't get the 30% off when it arrives next week. I see you're making a purchase today, though, so you'll get a 25% off coupon that will be effective next Thursday through Sunday.

Customer (with attitude): Oh GREAT. I made a special trip to get this. Your web site says you have it. Can I pay for it now and have you ship it to me? And I should get the 30% off, since you don't have the DVD here now.

What I thought: NO, it doesn't bitch. You just can't read the web site correctly. The web site says "special order." And anyone in any store made a special trip to get there, asswipe. Unless, of course, like you we all just make special trips to harrass retail employees.

What I said: Yes, I can ship it, but you have to pay the shipping charge.

Customer: WHAT? I have to PAY when your web site said you had it? BLah..blah..blah...blah.

Insert store manager, who, of course, authorizes free shipping and kisses customer's ass.

Fine. I order the thing. She watches over my shoulder, telling me she wants to make sure I get the right set. Then she doesn't want to give me "her information." Um. How do we ship it to you without an address, idiot!! Maybe I'll ship it to space....

Then, it's my turn at register. Guess who I encounter all over again?

Same customer, who's buying 3 other DVD sets: I have a 30% off coupon for each of these.

What I thought: DIE, BITCH, DIE. You cannot read the coupon, even though you printed it in a huge font? It says ONE COUPON PER CUSTOMER PER VALID TIME PERIOD. [in this case, it was valid for yesterday and today.] And I guess your special trip also included getting stuff we did have in stock?

What I said: I'm sorry. I can only ring up one coupon with one of the DVD sets. The register won't accept more than one per transaction, and the coupon states one per person per time period. You will get the 30% off the most expensive item, though.

Customer: Fine. Then ring me up three separate times.

What I thought: I wish you would spontaneously combust right here and now.

What I said, into my headset: Service manager to the register, please.

They don't pay me enough to take this shit from people. I hope her house gets egged by teenagers tonight while she watches her dvds.

Happy Halloween!

File under: the worst day of the Weight Watcher's year

YES!

photo from MLB site.

Psychedelic Sunday

Open My Eyes - Nazz

I'm feeling the need for another Nazz song in the Psychedelic Sunday series, and it's been a year since I featured a song of theirs. This one's from their 1968 debut album, called The Nazz. This song didn't chart, but it's memorable because of the fuzz guitar, the opening riff that always fools me into thinking I'm going to hear The Who's I Can't Explain, and the always great use of that phasing effect. Ga-roovy, baby.

Listen at left or here.

Top 5 On Friday

This is the Halloween Edition for 2007!! Top 5 non-typical songs that get you into the Halloween spirit. (That would mean no Monster Mash)

Psycho Killer - Talking Heads
The Ghost - Fleetwood Mac
Lucifer Sam - Pink Floyd
Hell's Bells - AC/DC
Werewolves Of London - Warren Zevon

What makes you feel like donning a costume?

5 And Out - New Stuff From Old Voices

I'm talking about Plant and Young here, since Alison Krauss is still in her 30's, which is still quite young from my standpoint.

Anyway, this new collaboration from Plant/Krauss could, perhaps, be called "Oh Plant, Where Art Thou?" although it's not quite as starkly produced as that soundtrack was. I'd never have guessed that a guy known for his high-pitched wailing could tone it down enough to create such lovely vocal harmony with one of the sweetest voices you could ever hear, that of Alison Krauss. I am completely in love with their T-Bone Burnett-produced release, Raising Sand. You can hear a sample of it in this podcast.

And Neil Young? What can I say other than this rusty old guy never sleeps. His new release, Chrome Dreams II, is rather low-key and lovely, as the master has mellowed gracefully.

From Robert Plant & Alison Krauss:

Sister Rosetta Stone Goes Before Us

Please Read The Letter

Let Your Loss Be Your Lesson

From Neil Young:
Beautiful Bluebird

On The Way Home (recorded live, from the bonus disc)

That's all for this week!

Listen at left or here.

Sox Vs. Rocks, Game One

This is not the first time the Sox came out swinging in a Game One.

Is it fun to watch when your team makes mincemeat out of the opposing team's pitching staff? Sure, to a point. It's great to know your team has one game under the belt, but blowout games can be a bit boring.

Then, the thought of Jimenez's turn on the mound tomorrow night gives me butterflies in my stomach. I was reading the MLB site, which points out that Jimenez was 4 years old when Curt Schilling played his first game in the majors, and they will face each other tomorrow night.

So, it's great to win game one, but there's no time for complacency or cockiness. There are still 3 games to win.

(Ok, it's only the 7th inning as I write this, and that could be considered a little cocky, but I don't see the Rockies coming up with 12 runs in the next two innings. Stranger things have happened, but I feel safe in calling this one a win at this point in the game.)

Being A Good Fan - Lesson Two

Lesson Two:Don't Believe Everything You Read Or Hear from Sports Commentators

Brett Mussburger pisses me off. Every time he comments at a Buckeyes game, I want to reach into the TV and knock his hairpiece off. (That's not his real hair, is it?) Sure, the Bucks have ups and downs, but name me a team that doesn't! He seems to take joy in the downs and focuses on them, rather than giving them props when props are due (even Lee Corso gives the Buckeyes their due.) So, rather than believe his crap, I turn the sound down and just watch the game. I can see what's going on without having to hear the droning on from some idiot. Helps me be a better fan!

Same thing with the newspapers, especially when sports columnists get cocky (see Lesson One.) They love to spout facts like "No team has ever done ____ before and succeeded," or "If the team does this, it it will be only the third time in the history of the game." That kind of trivia just gets in the way of the enjoyment of the game and sometimes causes undue stress. Just relax and ENJOY THE FREAKING GAME! Let the players and their performance speak for itself.

Being A Good Fan - Lesson One

Jefe and I, representing our respective baseball cities and teams, will comment on the upcoming World Series. After reading many of his posts and comments in various places, I am sure he doesn't need this talking to, but for all of you who give sports fans a bad name, listen up.

Oh, and I might add that many of these lessons were learned over the years, being an Ohio State fan in a Penn State family.

Lesson One: Cockiness Can Bite You In The Ass, so Knock It Off

I was watching the morning news, and the news dude (formerly the weather dude), said to check out their web site to learn more about The Rockies, "If you can even name one of the players," and then he gave it one of those smartassed half chuckles. That kind of cockiness isn't cool, especially from a long-suffering Red Sox fan.

No, I can't name a Rockies player, but I do know that they are on a winning streak, and that when teams decide to work together as a single unit to reach a goal, anything can happen. Perhaps that's the only "player" I need to know: The Rockies as a team.

Yes, the Sox went home with the bigassed trophy in '04, but fans have seen some typical spotty performance since then. Even this year, they were hot, then cooled off in typical fashion sometime after the All Star break. How many times did I hear, "That's just Manny being Manny" in August?

I'm not saying there's no room for some good smack talk among friends, if it's all in fun. Cheer your asses off for the Sox or the Rocks, but please leave the cocky crap in your living room. Anything can happen and nothing is certain in baseball!

GO SOX!

YES!

Caption Me

I was flipping through an old magazine, and I came upon this ad, which, in light of recent events, could take on a whole new comedic meaning today. Let's see what you've got, folks!

One Ringy Dingy, Two Ringy Dingies....

On the phone at work:

Me: Good morning, Big Bookstore in Marlborough, how may I help you?
Customer on phone: Do you have the new Transformers movie?
Me: Yes, we have it in widescreen, 2-disc special edition, and another exclusive special edition with a book included.
Customer on phone: Is it cheaper at Best Buy?

What I wanted to say: What am I, your personal freaking shopper?
What I said: I don't know, I haven't been over there to compare. You could call them to check their price.
Customer: Do you have their number?
What I wanted to say: So now I'm your freaking 411 info operator? Honey, you watched Miracle On 34th St. one too many times. Best Buy is our competition, why the hell would I tell you they're cheaper? Idiot!!
What I said: No, I'm sorry, I don't have a phone book nearby.
What I thought: Farking A**hole.

5 And Out

5 songs I've been hitting the repeat button on lately:

The Panic - The Dykeeenies
The Underdog - Spooon
Boy With A Coin - Iron & Wine
Frank & Ava - Suzanne Vega
Fri/end - Thurston Moore

You can hear it here or in the left sidebar.

Tuesday Tunes

More word association: What songs do you think of when you see these words?
live: Live and Let Die - Paul McCartney and Wings
heart: Crazy On You - Heart
concert: Tom Sawyer - Rush
oldies: Blueberry Hill - Fats Domino
fish: Mack The Knife - Bobby Darin (You know, since the shark bites!)
swing: Sultans Of Swing - Dire Straits
food: Junk Food Junkie - Larry Groce
tired: Tired Of My Tears - Susan Tedeschi
celebrate: Celebrate - Three Dog Night
walk: Walk This Way - Aerosmith

How about yours?

It's All In The Bag

Pic of Doritos, which isn't making me hungry, isn't making me hungry, isn't making me hungry, swiped from the Frito-Lay site. Bastards.

There's a stay-at-home dad in our neighborhood, and that's all fine and dandy, but he's one of those chatty people you cannot get away from, even when you're in a hurry and you drop those subtle hints that you need to get going. You know, a pain-in-the-ass.

Anyway, as I schlepped through the Stop & Shop this morning, I spied him in the cereal aisle. Yes, I avoided that aisle, so as not to get caught in one of those block-the-aisle conversations and also 'cuz I'm chicken. A few aisles later, I noticed him kneeling on the floor by the chips, surrounded by bags of Doritos. Was he involved in some sort of chip avalanche? Apparently not. In those few seconds I stood there trying not to be noticed, I saw him picking up every bag and feeling each one, perhaps comparing weights or something. WTF? I can see feeling up and even sniffing out produce, but checking chip bags to find just the right one?

Now I know I'm staying away from this guy.

It Was A Lovely Getaway

Yes, the flowers are still in bloom, but not for long.


In Ogunquit, they have a Pumpkin fest every year, so lots of businesses stage these vignettes. This one was my favorite.



My little guy, walking alone on the Marginal Way.



The Great Pumpkin?

Lobster boats at Bailey's Island.

The monarchs are still making their way south. (Can you tell I love the macro function?)

Land's End at Bailey's Island, Maine.

All photos by me and my Sony el-cheapo digital, which I purchased to use on the 3-day walk. It does a decent job for the price! Click on the photos to enlarge for a better view, if you like.

Psychedelic Sunday

The Chesterfield Kings

Have you ever heard of Little Steven's Underground Garage? Well, if you dig old garage-band music and the kids who are playing that sort of thing now, this is your radio show. It's syndicated, but you can listen to the shows online when you register for the site. Anyway, in case you live in a hole hollowed out of a dead oak, you know that Little Steven is Steven Van Zandt, of the E Street Band (aka Silvio Dante of The Sopranos).

I was listening to one of the archive shows awhile back and heard a song by The Chesterfield Kings that kicked my ass. This band from Rochester, NY has been around since 1979, and their first goal was to record collectible garage 45RPM records, so they kept their pressings small. Over the years, they added LP records to their discography, but they never really hit the big time. With the release of Psychedelic Sunrise this year, though, and their continued support from Little Steven, their fortunes may change. Oh, did I mention they're signed to Little Steven's record label, Wicked Cool Records? I guess he keeps it in the family!

This album rocks from start to finish. It's got the feel of The Stones, The Who, The Standells, and Them, all rolled together, so you know it's full of good-time, kickass rock and roll. (If you're all emo or post-rock, then you probably won't dig this, so go put on your Dashboard Confessional and your Mogwai and go have your own party.)

I've got two cuts for you today. The first, Sunrise (Turn On), has a hint of The Who's I Can See For Miles, so listen for that. Next, you can sample the the darker, more psychedelic sounds of Elevator Ride.

The band's site is here, and you can find Little Steven's Underground Garage here. Even if you never listen to the shows, his site has tons of great bands listed and lots of background information to check out.

On with the tuneage:

Sunrise(Turn On) - The Chesterfield Kings
Elevator Ride - The Chesterfield Kings

Top 5 On Friday

Top 5 songs that give you the Chills

Mad World - Gary Jules - Gives me the willies because it makes me think of that creepy rabbit thing from Donnie Darko.

Timothy - The Buoys - Ahem. It's about some dudes eating Timothy (we always thought it was a guy, but there was a story that Timothy was actually a dog. Still creepy.)

Careful With That Axe Eugene - Pink Floyd - The title is chill-worthy enough, but listening to the song sends me to a dark place. (Where Syd lives?)

War Pigs - Black Sabbath - The lyrics alone creep me out. War creeps me out more, though.

Stairway To Heaven - Led Zeppelin - Backwards, of course, if you dare. It's all satanic, right? You can listen to it here! and be the judge. (No, it doesn't really creep me out, but I remember all the big hoo haaa over the backwards masking, and THAT creeped me out!)

A Trivia Quiz 'Cuz I'm Lazy And Because You Love Them

UPDATE: Answers are now emboldened and enlightened!

No googling, unless, of course, you are a lame-o.

1. Simon, the early electronic game, had big buttons that lit up in sequence, each making a distinct sound. How many buttons were there?
a. 3
b. 4
c. 6
d. 8

2. Who was Dr. Sivana?
a. A regular Star Trek villain.
b. Captain Marvel's archenemy.
c. The surgeon who performed the first heart transplant
d. Noted developer of hybrid peaches.

3. Where was Rick's Cafe Americain?
a. Paris
b. Bruges
c. Quebec
d. Casablanca

4. Fill in the blanks:
Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine. (From The Beatles Maxwell's Silver Hammer.)

5. What is the fruit ingredient in the cocktail called a Bellini?
a. peach
b. pear
c. apple
d. kiwi

6. In the online text worl AAMOF means as a matter of fact.

7. Which of the following did not die in a plane crash?
a. Rick Nelson
b. Otis Redding
c. Patsy Cline
d. George "Superman" Reeves (gunshot)
e. Roberto Clemente
f. Rocky Marciano
g. John Denver
h. James Dean (car crash)
i. Knute Rockne
j. John F. Kennedy, Jr.
k. Jim Croce

8.What word has appeared on every coin struck in the U.S. since 1792?
a. Liberty
b. Cents
c. States
d. Tender

9. What was Lucy Ricardo's maiden name?
a. McGillicuddy
b. Frawley
c. Ball
d. Vance

10. Pac-Man was originally titled what?
a. Pizza Man
b. Pac v. Ghost
c. Paku-Paku
d. Puck Man

11. In Seinfeld, Jerry's dad was called?
a. George
b. Morty
c. Jerry
d. Marty

12. Ian Fleming named James Bond after:
a. A bird expert
b. His professor at Eton
c. His maternal grandfather
d. A WWII admiral

13. This group backed Elvis Presley:
a. The Crickets
b. The Jordanaires
c. The Colonels
d. The Memphis Five

Answer in the comments!

Artist Of The Day

photo scarfed from his web site.

I heard Jeremy's song, Scar That Never Heals, on the most recent Paste mag. samler and it stood out from the rest. Is it new and different? Well, not so much. The song sounds quite a bit like Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard by Paul Simon, but is that such a bad example to follow? After listening to more songs at his web site, I had to get the album. Jeremy sounds like the love child of Josh Rouse and Paul Simon, well, if they could have a love child.

Anyway, see if you think I'm right. Listen below!


Jeremy Fisher - Cigarette
Jeremy Fisher - Scar That Never Heals

Jeremy's web site is here.

Buy the cd here.

Tuesday Tunes

This week, it's three random questions:


If you could buy one album right now, which one would it be?
I would love to hear Band Of Horses' new one, Cease To Begin.

Have you read any rock related biographies? If so what was the most recent one you've read? Did you like it?
I have read several, but none recently. With the release of Eric Clapton's and Patti Boyd's memoirs, though, that could change.

Oct 9th would have been John Lennon's 67th birthday. List a few things about John that you know. Random facts, songs, or just things about John that mean something to you, if you are a fan.
I am definitely a Lennon fan, and I was happy that we visited the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame during the John Lennon exhibition.
Favorite Lennon songs as a Beatle:
In My Life
Girl
A Day In The Life
Free As A Bird
Do You Want To Know A Secret - I found a factiod online that claims John wrote this one based on something his mom used to sing to him from a Disney movie.

Favorite Lennon songs as a solo artist:
#9 Dream
(Just Like) Starting Over
Imagine
Beautiful Boy
Working Class Hero
Mother
Power To The People
How Do You Sleep?

How about yours?

Psychedelic Sunday - Album Side Special

This was requested by a listener who wanted to hear the entire Who Do You Love suite after she listened to a previous Psych. Sunday in August.


Here is Side 1 of Quicksilver's 1969 album, Happy Trails. It's a suite based on Bo Diddley's Who Do You Love. Enjoy!

Who Do You Love (Part 1)
When You Love
Where You Love
How You Love
Which Do You Love
Who Do You Love (Part 2)

Listen at left or here.

See you after the long weekend!

Top 5 On Friday

Top 5 cover songs that are better then the originals

and/or

Top 5 Beatles or Beatles-related covers

Ok, first the cover songs I like better than the originals:

Over The Rainbow - Eva Cassidy - Really, though this is a tie between her cover and Iz's, since both are beautiful in their own way. (Eva's is emotionally engaging and Iz's is wistful and dreamy.)

All Along The Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix - He absolutely nails Dylan's song here, and the guitar work is amazing, of course.

Love Hurts - Nazareth - One of my favorite covers EVAH!

Knocking On Heaven's Door - Warren Zevon - His cover of this Dylan classic is gut-wrenching, since Warren was dying of lung cancer when he recorded it.

Black Star - Gillian Welch - She turns the Radiohead song into something that sounds like one of her original songs, and it's lovely.


Now some of my favorite Beatles covers:

Across The Universe - Rufus Wainwright - From the OST to I Am Sam. Rufus possesses one of the most beautiful voices in pop today, and he does a wondrous version of ATU.

And Your Bird Can Sing - Matthew Sweet/Susannah Hoffs - I love their harmony in this, as well as the other covers on their recent release of 60's pop songs.

She Loves You - KJ Denhert - KJ's version is a down-tempo and jazzy, and it's wonderful.

Helter Skelter - Aerosmith - Tyler gives it his all, vocally, and it's rip-roaring fun. (I also love Pat Benatar's cover, but, sorry, Siouxsie's cover makes me cringe.)

I Will - Alison Krauss - Her voice alone, which is one of the sweetest-sounding on earth, is enough to put this on the list.

(I have many other favorites in this category, though, so it could just go on and on!)

What are your faves?

Not -Quite-Thirteen Random Things

It's been awhile since I posted a T13, so here's one this week!
Here's 13 things you didn't need to know!
Aw hell, I got nuttin' today, so you get a 13 (sorta)!

1. Did you know that you could put a vacation hold on your mail online? How convenient is that? Here is where you do it. (Yes, I just held ours, we're heading out for lobster and LL Bean over the weekend.)

2. So far this new TV season, I'm not impressed, but I did enjoy Pushing Daisies last night. It's light, charming, cute, funny, and weird, all at once.


3. Nathan Fillion is on Ellen today, so hold the calls until after 3:30 pm.

4. I went to a Lia Sophia party last night. My, we've come a long way since Tupperware, haven't we!? Yes, yes, it's lovely stuff, but why in the hell does costume jewelry have to cost almost as much as the real thang? Oh, yeah, so my hostess can get hers cheap!

5. The new Bruce Springsteen,